迪文小说

第11部分（第2页）

“Cruel？　Not　at　all！　She　is　severe：　she　dislikes　my　faults。”

“And　if　I　were　in　your　place　I　should　dislike　her；　I　should　resist　her。　If　she　struck　me　with　that　rod；　I　should　get　it　from　her　hand；　I　should　break　it　under　her　nose。”

“Probably　you　would　do　nothing　of　the　sort：　but　if　you　did；　Mr。　Brocklehurst　would　expel　you　from　the　school；　that　would　be　a　great　grief　to　your　relations。　It　is　far　better　to　endure　patiently　a　smart　which　nobody　feels　but　yourself；　than　to　mit　a　hasty　action　whose　evil　consequences　will　extend　to　all　connected　with　you；　and　besides；　the　Bible　bids　us　return　good　for　evil。”

“But　then　it　seems　disgraceful　to　be　flogged；　and　to　be　sent　to　stand　in　the　middle　of　a　room　full　of　people；　and　you　are　such　a　great　girl：　I　am　far　younger　than　you；　and　I　could　not　bear　it。”

“Yet　it　would　be　your　duty　to　bear　it；　if　you　could　not　avoid　it：　it　is　weak　and　silly　to　say　you　cannot　bear　what　it　is　your　fate　to　be　required　to　bear。”

I　heard　her　with　wonder：　I　could　not　prehend　this　doctrine　of　endurance；　and　still　less　could　I　understand　or　sympathise　with　the　forbearance　she　expressed　for　her　chastiser。　Still　I　felt　that　Helen　Burns　considered　things　by　a　light　invisible　to　my　eyes。　I　suspected　she　might　be　right　and　I　wrong；　but　I　would　not　ponder　the　matter　deeply；　like　Felix；　I　put　it　off　to　a　more　convenient　season。

“You　say　you　have　faults；　Helen：　what　are　they？　To　me　you　seem　very　good。”

“Then　learn　from　me；　not　to　judge　by　appearances：　I　am；　as　Miss　Scatcherd　said；　slatternly；　I　seldom　put；　and　never　keep；　things；　in　order；　I　am　careless；　I　forget　rules；　I　read　when　I　should　learn　my　lessons；　I　have　no　method；　and　sometimes　I　say；　like　you；　I　cannot　bear　to　be　subjected　to　systematic　arrangements。　This　is　all　very　provoking　to　Miss　Scatcherd；　who　is　naturally　neat；　punctual；　and　particular。”

“And　cross　and　cruel；”　I　added；　but　Helen　Burns　would　not　admit　my　addition：　she　kept　silence。

“Is　Miss　Temple　as　severe　to　you　as　Miss　Scatcherd？”

At　the　utterance　of　Miss　Temple’s　name；　a　soft　smile　flitted　over　her　grave　face。

“Miss　Temple　is　full　of　goodness；　it　pains　her　to　be　severe　to　any　one；　even　the　worst　in　the　school：　she　sees　my　errors；　and　tells　me　of　them　gently；　and；　if　I　do　anything　worthy　of　praise；　she　gives　me　my　meed　liberally。　One　strong　proof　of　my　wretchedly　defective　nature　is；　that　even　her　expostulations；　so　mild；　so　rational；　have　not　influence　to　cure　me　of　my　faults；　and　even　her　praise；　though　I　value　it　most　highly；　cannot　stimulate　me　to　continued　care　and　foresight。”

“That　is　curious；”　said　I；　“it　is　so　easy　to　be　careful。”

“For　you　I　have　no　doubt　it　is。　I　observed　you　in　your　class　this　morning；　and　saw　you　were　closely　attentive：　your　thoughts　never　seemed　to　wander　while　Miss　Miller　explained　the　lesson　and　questioned　you。　Now；　mine　continually　rove　away；　when　I　should　be　listening　to　Miss　Scatcherd；　and　collecting　all　she　says　with　assiduity；　often　I　lose　the　very　sound　of　her　voice；　I　fall　into　a　sort　of　dream。　Sometimes　I　think　I　am　in　Northumberland；　and　that　the　noises　I　hear　round　me　are　the　bubbling　of　a　little　brook　which　runs　through　Deepden；　near　our　house；—then；　when　it　es　to　my　turn　to　reply；　I　have　to　be　awakened；　and　having　heard　nothing　of　what　was　read　for　listening　to　the　visionary　brook；　I　have　no　answer　ready。”

“Yet　how　well　you　replied　this　afternoon。”

“It　was　mere　chance；　the　subject　on　which　we　had　been　reading　had　interested　me。　This　afternoon；　instead　of　dreaming　of　Deepden；　I　was　wondering　how　a　man　who　wished　to　do　right　could　act　so　unjustly　and　unwisely　as　Charles　the　First　sometimes　did；　and　I　thought　what　a　pity　it　was　that；　with　his　integrity　and　conscientiousness；　he　could　see　no　farther　than　the　prerogatives　of　the　crown。　If　he　had　but　been　able　to　look　to　a　distance；　and　see　how　what　they　call　the　spirit　of　the　age　was　tending！　Still；　I　like　Charles—I　respect　him—I　pity　him；　poor　murdered　king！　Yes；　his　enemies　were　the　worst：　they　shed　blood　they　had　no　right　to　shed。　How　dared　they　kill　him！”

Helen　was　talking　to　herself　now：　she　had　forgotten　I　could　not　very　well　understand　her—that　I　was　ignorant；　or　nearly　so；　of　the　subject　she　discussed。　I　recalled　her　to　my　level。

“And　when　Miss　Temple　teaches　you；　do　your　thoughts　wander　then？”

“No；　certainly；　not　often；　because　Miss　Temple　has　generally　something　to　say　which　is　newer　than　my　own　reflections；　her　language　is　singularly　agreeable　to　me；　and　the　information　she　municates　is　often　just　what　I　wished　to　gain。”

“Well；　then；　with　Miss　Temple　you　are　good？”

“Yes；　in　a　passive　way：　I　make　no　effort；　I　follow　as　inclination　guides　me。　There　is　no　merit　in　such　goodness。”

“A　great　deal：　you　are　good　to　those　who　are　good　to　you。　It　is　all　I　ever　desire　to　be。　If　people　were　always　kind　and　obedient　to　those　who　are　cruel　and　unjust；　the　wicked　people　would　have　it　all　their　own　way：　they　would　never　feel　afraid；　and　so　they　would　never　alter；　but　would　grow　worse　and　worse。　When　we　are　struck　at　without　a　reason；　we　should　strike　back　again　very　hard；　I　am　sure　we　should—so　hard　as　to　teach　the　person　who　struck　us　never　to　do　it　again。”

“You　will　change　your　mind；　I　hope；　when　you　grow　older：　as　yet　you　are　but　a　little　untaught　girl。”

“But　I　feel　this；　Helen；　I　must　dislike　those　who；　whatever　I　do　to　please　them；　persist　in　disliking　me；　I　must　resist　those　who　punish　me　unjustly。　It　is　as　natural　a