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My Name is Red Orhan Pamuk
You slew a man and then fell out with one another concerning him。
—Koran; “The Cow。”
The blind and the seeing are not equal。
—Koran; “The Creator。”
To God belongs the East and the West。
I AM A CORPSE
I am nothing but a corpse now; a body at the bottom of a well。 Though I drew
my last breath long ago and my heart has stopped beating; no one; apart from
that vile murderer; knows what’s happened to me。 As for that wretch; he felt
for my pulse and listened for my breath to be sure I was dead; then kicked me
in the midriff; carried me to the edge of the well; raised me up and dropped
me below。 As I fell; my head; which he’d smashed with a stone; broke apart;
my face; my forehead and cheeks; were crushed; my bones shattered; and my
mouth filled with blood。
For nearly four days I have been missing: My wife and children must be
searching for me; my daughter; spent from crying; must be staring fretfully at
the courtyard gate。 Yes; I know they’re all at the window; hoping for my
return。
But; are they truly waiting? I can’t even be sure of that。 Maybe they’ve
gotten used to my absence—how dismal! For here; on the other side; one gets
the feeling that one’s former life persists。 Before my birth there was infinite
time; and after my death; inexhaustible time。 I never thought of it before: I’d
been living luminously between two eternities of darkness。
I was happy; I know now that I’d been happy。 I made the best illuminations