迪文小说

第51部分（第2页）

“Because；”　he　said；　“I　sometimes　have　a　queer　feeling　with　regard　to　you—especially　when　you　are　near　me；　as　now：　it　is　as　if　I　had　a　string　somewhere　under　my　left　ribs；　tightly　and　inextricably　knotted　to　a　similar　string　situated　in　the　corresponding　quarter　of　your　little　frame。　And　if　that　boisterous　Channel；　and　two　hundred　miles　or　so　of　land　e　broad　between　us；　I　am　afraid　that　cord　of　munion　will　be　snapt；　and　then　I’ve　a　nervous　notion　I　should　take　to　bleeding　inwardly。　As　for　you；—you’d　forget　me。”

“That　I　never　should；　sir：　you　know—”　Impossible　to　proceed。

“Jane；　do　you　hear　that　nightingale　singing　in　the　wood？　Listen！”

In　listening；　I　sobbed　convulsively；　for　I　could　repress　what　I　endured　no　longer；　I　was　obliged　to　yield；　and　I　was　shaken　from　head　to　foot　with　acute　distress。　When　I　did　speak；　it　was　only　to　express　an　impetuous　wish　that　I　had　never　been　born；　or　never　e　to　Thornfield。

“Because　you　are　sorry　to　leave　it？”

The　vehemence　of　emotion；　stirred　by　grief　and　love　within　me；　was　claiming　mastery；　and　struggling　for　full　sway；　and　asserting　a　right　to　predominate；　to　overe；　to　live；　rise；　and　reign　at　last：　yes；—and　to　speak。

“I　grieve　to　leave　Thornfield：　I　love　Thornfield：…　I　love　it；　because　I　have　lived　in　it　a　full　and　delightful　life；—momentarily　at　least。　I　have　not　been　trampled　on。　I　have　not　been　petrified。　I　have　not　been　buried　with　inferior　minds；　and　excluded　from　every　glimpse　of　munion　with　what　is　bright　and　energetic　and　high。　I　have　talked；　face　to　face；　with　what　I　reverence；　with　what　I　delight　in；—with　an　original；　a　vigorous；　an　expanded　mind。　I　have　known　you；　Mr。　Rochester；　and　it　strikes　me　with　terror　and　anguish　to　feel　I　absolutely　must　be　torn　from　you　for　ever。　I　see　the　necessity　of　departure；　and　it　is　like　looking　on　the　necessity　of　death。”

“Where　do　you　see　the　necessity？”　he　asked　suddenly。

“Where？　You；　sir；　have　placed　it　before　me。”

“In　what　shape？”

“In　the　shape　of　Miss　Ingram；　a　noble　and　beautiful　woman；—your　bride。”

“My　bride！　What　bride？　I　have　no　bride！”

“But　you　will　have。”

“Yes；—I　will！—I　will！”　He　set　his　teeth。

“Then　I　must　go：…　you　have　said　it　yourself。”

“No：　you　must　stay！　I　swear　it—and　the　oath　shall　be　kept。”

“I　tell　you　I　must　go！”　I　retorted；　roused　to　something　like　passion。　“Do　you　think　I　can　stay　to　bee　nothing　to　you？　Do　you　think　I　am　an　automaton？—a　machine　without　feelings？　and　can　bear　to　have　my　morsel　of　bread　snatched　from　my　lips；　and　my　drop　of　living　water　dashed　from　my　cup？　Do　you　think；　because　I　am　poor；　obscure；　plain；　and　little；　I　am　soulless　and　heartless？　You　think　wrong！—I　have　as　much　soul　as　you；—and　full　as　much　heart！　And　if　God　had　gifted　me　with　some　beauty　and　much　wealth；　I　should　have　made　it　as　hard　for　you　to　leave　me；　as　it　is　now　for　me　to　leave　you。　I　am　not　talking　to　you　now　through　the　medium　of　custom；　conventionalities；　nor　even　of　mortal　flesh；—it　is　my　spirit　that　addresses　your　spirit；　just　as　if　both　had　passed　through　the　grave；　and　we　stood　at　God’s　feet；　equal；—as　we　are！”

“As　we　are！”　repeated　Mr。　Rochester—“so；”　he　added；　enclosing　me　in　his　arms。　Gathering　me　to　his　breast；　pressing　his　lips　on　my　lips：　“so；　Jane！”

“Yes；　so；　sir；”　I　rejoined：　“and　yet　not　so；　for　you　are　a　married　man—or　as　good　as　a　married　man；　and　wed　to　one　inferior　to　you—to　one　with　whom　you　have　no　sympathy—whom　I　do　not　believe　you　truly　love；　for　I　have　seen　and　heard　you　sneer　at　her。　I　would　scorn　such　a　union：　therefore　I　am　better　than　you—let　me　go！”

“Where；　Jane？　To　Ireland？”

“Yes—to　Ireland。　I　have　spoken　my　mind；　and　can　go　anywhere　now。”

“Jane；　be　still；　don’t　struggle　so；　like　a　wild　frantic　bird　that　is　rending　its　own　plumage　in　its　desperation。”

“I　am　no　bird；　and　no　　ensnares　me；　I　am　a　free　human　being　with　an　independent　will；　which　I　now　exert　to　leave　you。”

Another　effort　set　me　at　liberty；　and　I　stood　erect　before　him。

“And　your　will　shall　decide　your　destiny；”　he　said：　“I　offer　you　my　hand；　my　heart；　and　a　share　of　all　my　possessions。”

“You　play　a　farce；　which　I　merely　laugh　at。”

“I　ask　you　to　pass　through　life　at　my　side—to　be　my　second　self；　and　best　earthly　panion。”

“For　that　fate　you　have　already　made　your　choice；　and　must　abide　by　it。”

“Jane；　be　still　a　few　moments：　you　are　over…excited：　I　will　be　still　too。”

A　waft　of　wind　came　sweeping　down　the　laurel…walk；　and　trembled　through　the　boughs　of　the　chestnut：　it　wandered　away—away—to　an　indefinite　distance—it　died。　The　nightingale’s　song　was　then　the　only　voice　of　the　hour：　in　listening　to　it；　I　again　wept。　Mr。　Rochester　sat　quiet；　looking　at　me　gently　and　seriously。　Some　time　passed　before　he　spoke；　he　at　last　said—

“e　to　my　side；　Jane；　and　let　us　explain　and　understand　one　another。”

“I　will　never　again　e　to　your　side：　I　am　torn　away　now；　and　cannot　return。”

“But；　Jane；　I　summon　you　as　my　wife：　it　is　you　only　I　intend　to　marry。”

I　was　silent：　I　thought　he　mocked　me。

“e；　Jane—e　hither。”

“Your　bride　stands　between　us。”

He　rose；　and　with　a　stride　reached　me。

“My　bride　is　here；”　he　said；