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第56部分(第1页)

! She did not exist: she would not be born till to…morrow; some time after eight o’clock a。m。; and I would wait to be assured she had e into the world alive before I assigned to her all that property。 It was enough that in yonder closet; opposite my dressing…table; garments said to be hers had already displaced my black stuff Lowood frock and straw bon: for not to me appertained that suit of wedding raiment; the pearl…coloured robe; the vapoury veil pendent from the usurped portmanteau。 I shut the closet to conceal the strange; wraith…like apparel it contained; which; at this evening hour—nine o’clock— gave out certainly a most ghostly shimmer through the shadow of my apartment。 “I will leave you by yourself; white dream;” I said。 “I am feverish: I hear the wind blowing: I will go out of doors and feel it。”

It was not only the hurry of preparation that made me feverish; not only the anticipation of the great change—the new life which was to mence to…morrow: both these circumstances had their share; doubtless; in producing that restless; excited mood which hurried me forth at this late hour into the darkening grounds: but a third cause influenced my mind more than they。

I had at heart a strange and anxious thought。 Something had happened which I could not prehend; no one knew of or had seen the event but myself: it had taken place the preceding night。 Mr。 Rochester that night was absent from home; nor was he yet returned: business had called him to a small estate of two or three farms he possessed thirty miles off—business it was requisite he should settle in person; previous to his meditated departure from England。 I waited now his return; eager to disburthen my mind; and to seek of him the solution of the enigma that perplexed me。 Stay till he es; reader; and; when I disclose my secret to him; you shall share the confidence。

I sought the orchard; driven to its shelter by the wind; which all day had blown strong and full from the south; without; however; bringing a speck of rain。 Instead of subsiding as night drew on; it seemed to augment its rush and deepen its roar: the trees blew steadfastly one way; never writhing round; and scarcely tossing back their boughs once in an hour; so continuous was the strain bending their branchy heads northward—the clouds drifted from pole to pole; fast following; mass on mass: no glimpse of blue sky had been visible that July day。

It was not without a certain wild pleasure I ran before the wind; delivering my trouble of mind to the measureless air…torrent thundering through space。 Descending the laurel walk; I faced the wreck of the chestnut…tree; it stood up black and riven: the trunk; split down the centre; gasped ghastly。 The cloven halves were not broken from each other; for the firm base and strong roots kept them unsundered below; though munity of vitality was destroyed—the sap could flow no more: their great boughs on each side were dead; and next winter’s tempests would be sure to fell one or both to earth: as yet; however; they might be said to form one tree—a ruin; but an entire ruin。

“You did right to hold fast to each other;” I said: as if the monster…splinters were living things; and could hear me。 “I think; scathed as you look; and charred and scorched; there must be a little sense of life in you yet; rising out of that adhesion at the faithful; honest roots: you will never have green leaves more— never more see birds making nests and singing idyls in your boughs; the time of pleasure and love is over with you: but you are not desolate: each of you has a rade to sympathise with him in his decay。” As I looked up at them; the moon appeared momentarily in that part of the sky which filled their fissure; her disk was blood… red and half overcast; she seemed to throw on me one bewildered; dreary glance; and buried herself again instantly in the deep drift of cloud。 The wind fell; for a second; round Thornfield; but far away over wood and water; poured a wild; melancholy wail: it was sad to listen to; and I ran off again。

Here and there I strayed through the orchard; gathered up the apples with which the grass round the tree roots was thickly strewn; then I employed myself in dividing the ripe from the unripe; I carried them into the house and put them away in the store…room。 Then I repaired to the library to ascertain whether the fire was lit; for; though summer; I knew on such a gloomy evening Mr。 Rochester would like to see a cheerful hearth when he came in: yes; the fire had been kindled some time; and burnt well。 I placed his arm…chair by the chimney…corner: I wheeled the table near it: I let down the curtain; and had the candles brought in ready for lighting。 More restless than ever; when I had pleted these arrangements I could not sit still; nor even remain in the house: a little time…piece in the room and the old clock in the hall simultaneously struck ten。

“How late it grows!” I said。 “I will run down to the gates: it is moonlight at intervals; I can see a good way on the road。 He may be ing now; and to meet him will save some minutes of suspense。”

The wind roared high in the great trees which embowered the gates; but the road as far as I could see; to the right hand and the left; was all still and solitary: save for the shadows of clouds crossing it at intervals as the moon looked out; it was but a long pale line; unvaried by one moving speck。

A puerile tear dimmed my eye while I looked—a tear of disappointment and impatience; ashamed of it; I wiped it away。 I lingered; the moon shut herself wholly within her chamber; and drew close her curtain of dense cloud: the night grew dark; rain came driving fast on the gale。

“I wish he would e! I wish he would e!” I exclaimed; seized with hypochondriac foreboding。 I had expected his arrival before tea; now it was dark: what could keep him? Had an accident happened? The event of last night again recurred to me。 I interpreted it as a warning of disaster。 I feared my hopes were too bright to be realised; and I had enjoyed so much bliss lately that I imagined my fortune had passed its meridian; and must now decline。

“Well; I cannot return to the house;” I thought; “I cannot sit by the fireside; while he is abroad in inclement weather: better tire my limbs than strain my heart; I will go forward and meet him。”

I set out; I walked fast; but not far: ere I had measured a quarter of a mile; I heard the tramp of hoofs; a horseman came on; full gallop; a dog ran by his side。 Away with evil presentiment! It was he: here he was; mounted on Mesrour; followed by Pilot。 He saw me; for the moon had opened a blue field in the sky; and rode in it watery bright: he took his hat off; and waved it round his head。 I now ran to meet him。

“There!” he exclaimed; as he stretched out his hand and bent from the saddle: “You can’t do without me; that is evident。 Step on my boot…toe; give me both hands: mount!”

I obeyed: joy made me agile: I sprang up before him。 A hearty kissing I got for a wele; and some boastful triumph; which I swallowed as well as I could。 He checked himself in his exultation to demand; “But is there anything the matter; Ja; that you e to meet me at such an hour? Is there anything wrong?”

“No; but I thought you would never e。 I could not bear to wait in the house for you; especially with this rain and wind。”

“Rain and wind; indeed! Yes; you are dripping like a mermaid; pull my cloak round you: but I think you are feverish; Jane: both your cheek and hand are burning hot。 I ask again; is there anything the matter?

“Nothing now; I am neither afraid nor unhappy。”

“Then you have been both?”

“Rather: but I’ll tell you all about it by…and…bye; sir; and I daresay you will only laugh at me for my pains。”

“I’ll laugh at you heartily when to…morrow is past; till then I dare not: my prize is not certain。 This is you; who have been as slippery as an eel this last month; and as thorny as a briar…rose? I could not lay a finger anywhere but I was pricked; and now I seem to have gathered up a stray lamb in my arms。 You wandered out of the fold to seek your shepherd; did you; Jane?”

“I wanted you: but don’t boast。 Here we are at Thornfield: now let me get down。”

He landed me on the pavement。 As John took his horse; and he followed me into the hall; he told me to make haste and put something dry on; and then return to him in the library; and he stopped me; as I made for the staircase; to extort a promise that I would not be long: nor was I long; in five minutes I rejoined him。 I found him at supper。

“Take a seat and bear me pany; Jane: please God; it is the last meal but one you will eat at Thornfield Hall for a long time。”

I sat down near him; but told him I could not eat。 “Is it because you have the prospect of a journey before you; Jane? Is it the thoughts of going to London that takes away your appetite?”

“I cannot see my prospects clearly to…night; sir; and I hardly know what thoughts I have in my head。 Everything in life seems unreal。”

“Except me: I am substantial enough—touch me。”

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