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第89部分(第1页)

ill be satisfied; or it will take deadly vengeance on its frame。”

“Well; sir; I will stay with you: I have said so。”

“Yes—but you understand one thing by staying with me; and I understand another。 You; perhaps; could make up your mind to be about my hand and chair—to wait on me as a kind little nurse (for you have an affectionate heart and a generous spirit; which prompt you to make sacrifices for those you pity); and that ought to suffice for me no doubt。 I suppose I should now entertain none but fatherly feelings for you: do you think so? e—tell me。”

“I will think what you like; sir: I am content to be only your nurse; if you think it better。”

“But you cannot always be my nurse; Ja: you are young—you must marry one day。”

“I don’t care about being married。”

“You should care; Ja: if I were what I once was; I would try to make you care—but—a sightless block!”

He relapsed again into gloom。 I; on the contrary; became more cheerful; and took fresh courage: these last words gave me an insight as to where the difficulty lay; and as it was no difficulty y previous embarrassment。 I resumed a livelier vein of conversation。

“It is time some one undertook to rehumanise you;” said I; parting his thick and long uncut locks; “for I see you are being metamorphosed into a lion; or something of that sort。 You have a ‘faux air’ of Nebuchadnezzar in the fields about you; that is certain: your hair reminds me of eagles’ feathers; whether your nails are grown like birds’ claws or not; I have not yet noticed。”

“On this arm; I have neither hand nor nails;” he said; drawing the mutilated limb from his breast; and showing it to me。 “It is a mere stump—a ghastly sight! Don’t you think so; Jane?”

“It is a pity to see it; and a pity to see your eyes—and the scar of fire on your forehead: and the worst of it is; one is in danger of loving you too well for all this; and making too much of you。”

“I thought you would be revolted; Jane; when you saw my arm; and my cicatrised visage。”

“Did you? Don’t tell me so—lest I should say something disparaging to your judgment。 Now; let me leave you an instant; to make a better fire; and have the hearth swept up。 Can you tell when there is a good fire?”

“Yes; with the right eye I see a glow—a ruddy haze。”

“And you see the candles?”

“Very dimly—each is a luminous cloud。”

“Can you see me?”

“No; my fairy: but I am only too thankful to hear and feel you。”

“When do you take supper?”

“I never take supper。”

“But you shall have some to…night。 I am hungry: so are you; I daresay; only you forget。”

Summoning Mary; I soon had the room in more cheerful order: I prepared him; likewise; a fortable repast。 My spirits were excited; and with pleasure and ease I talked to him during supper; and for a long time after。 There was no harassing restraint; no repressing of glee and vivacity with him; for with him I was at perfect ease; because I knew I suited him; all I said or did seemed either to console or revive him。 Delightful consciousness! It brought to life and light my whole nature: in his presence I thoroughly lived; and he lived in mine。 Blind as he was; smiles played over his face; joy dawned on his forehead: his lineaments softened and warmed。

After supper; he began to ask me many questions; of where I had been; what I had been doing; how I had found him out; but I gave him only very partial replies: it was too late to enter into particulars that night。 Besides; I wished to touch no deep… thrilling chord—to open no fresh well of emotion in his heart: my sole present aim was to cheer him。 Cheered; as I have said; he was: and yet but by fits。 If a moment’s silence broke the conversation; he would turn restless; touch me; then say; “Jane。”

“You are altogether a human being; Jane? You are certain of that?”

“I conscientiously believe so; Mr。 Rochester。”

“Yet how; on this dark and doleful evening; could you so suddenly rise on my lone hearth? I stretched my hand to take a glass of water from a hireling; and it was given me by you: I asked a question; expecting John’s wife to answer me; and your voice spoke at my ear。”

“Because I had e in; in Mary’s stead; with the tray。”

“And there is enchantment in the very hour I am now spending with you。 Who can tell what a dark; dreary; hopeless life I have dragged on for months past? Doing nothing; expecting nothing; merging night in day; feeling but the sensation of cold when I let the fire go out; of hunger when I forgot to eat: and then a ceaseless sorrow; and; at times; a very delirium of desire to behold my Jane again。 Yes: for her restoration I longed; far more than for that of my lost sight。 How can it be that Jane is with me; and says she loves me? Will she not depart as suddenly as she came? To…morrow; I fear I shall find her no more。”

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