迪文小说

第8部分（第1页）

her　repulse　me　with　double　scorn；　thereby　re…exciting　every　turbulent　impulse　of　my　nature。

I　would　fain　exercise　some　better　faculty　than　that　of　fierce　speaking；　fain　find　nourishment　for　some　less　fiendish　feeling　than　that　of　sombre　indignation。　I　took　a　book—some　Arabian　tales；　I　sat　down　and　endeavoured　to　read。　I　could　make　no　sense　of　the　subject；　my　own　thoughts　swam　always　between　me　and　the　page　I　had　usually　found　fascinating。　I　opened　the　glass…door　in　the　breakfast…room：　the　shrubbery　was　quite　still：　the　black　frost　reigned；　unbroken　by　sun　or　breeze；　through　the　grounds。　I　covered　my　head　and　arms　with　the　skirt　of　my　frock；　and　went　out　to　walk　in　a　part　of　the　plantation　which　was　quite　sequestrated；　but　I　found　no　pleasure　in　the　silent　trees；　the　falling　fir…cones；　the　congealed　relics　of　autumn；　russet　leaves；　swept　by　past　winds　in　heaps；　and　now　stiffened　together。　I　leaned　against　a　gate；　and　looked　into　an　empty　field　where　no　sheep　were　feeding；　where　the　short　grass　was　nipped　and　blanched。　It　was　a　very　grey　day；　a　most　opaque　sky；　“onding　on　snaw；”　canopied　all；　thence　flakes　felt　it　intervals；　which　settled　on　the　hard　path　and　on　the　hoary　lea　without　melting。　I　stood；　a　wretched　child　enough；　whispering　to　myself　over　and　over　again；　“What　shall　I　do？—what　shall　I　do？”

All　at　once　I　heard　a　clear　voice　call；　“Miss　Jane！　where　are　you？　e　to　lunch！”

It　was　Bessie；　I　knew　well　enough；　but　I　did　not　stir；　her　light　step　came　tripping　down　the　path。

“You　naughty　little　thing！”　she　said。　“Why　don’t　you　e　when　you　are　called？”

Bessie’s　presence；　pared　with　the　thoughts　over　which　I　had　been　brooding；　seemed　cheerful；　even　though；　as　usual；　she　was　somewhat　cross。　The　fact　is；　after　my　conflict　with　and　victory　over　Mrs。　Reed；　I　was　not　disposed　to　care　much　for　the　nursemaid’s　transitory　anger；　and　I　was　disposed　to　bask　in　her　youthful　lightness　of　heart。　I　just　put　my　two　arms　round　her　and　said；　“e；　Bessie！　don’t　scold。”

The　action　was　more　frank　and　fearless　than　any　I　was　habituated　to　indulge　in：　somehow　it　pleased　her。

“You　are　a　strange　child；　Miss　Jane；”　she　said；　as　she　looked　down　at　me；　“a　little　roving；　solitary　thing：　and　you　are　going　to　school；　I　suppose？”

I　nodded。

“And　won’t　you　be　sorry　to　leave　poor　Bessie？”

“What　does　Bessie　care　for　me？　She　is　always　scolding　me。”

“Because　you’re　such　a　queer；　frightened；　shy　little　thing。　You　should　be　bolder。”

“What！　to　get　more　knocks？”

“Nonsense！　But　you　are　rather　put　upon；　that’s　certain。　My　mother　said；　when　she　came　to　see　me　last　week；　that　she　would　not　like　a　little　one　of　her　own　to　be　in　your　place。—Now；　e　in；　and　I’ve　some　good　news　for　you。”

“I　don’t　think　you　have；　Bessie。”

“Child！　what　do　you　mean？　What　sorrowful　eyes　you　fix　on　me！　Well；　but　Missis　and　the　young　ladies　and　Master　John　are　going　out　to　tea　this　afternoon；　and　you　shall　have　tea　with　me。　I’ll　ask　cook　to　bake　you　a　little　cake；　and　then　you　shall　help　me　to　look　over　your　drawers；　for　I　am　soon　to　pack　your　trunk。　Missis　intends　you　to　leave　Gateshead　in　a　day　or　two；　and　you　shall　choose　what　toys　you　like　to　take　with　you。”

“Bessie；　you　must　promise　not　to　scold　me　any　more　till　I　go。”

“Well；　I　will；　but　mind　you　are　a　very　good　girl；　and　don’t　be　afraid　of　me。　Don’t　start　when　I　chance　to　speak　rather　sharply；　it’s　so　provoking。”

“I　don’t　think　I　shall　ever　be　afraid　of　you　again；　Bessie；　because　I　have　got　used　to　you；　and　I　shall　soon　have　another　set　of　people　to　dread。”

“If　you　dread　them　they’ll　dislike　you。”

“As　you　do；　Bessie？”

“I　don’t　dislike　you；　Miss；　I　believe　I　am　fonder　of　you　than　of　all　the　others。”

“You　don’t　show　it。”

“You　little　sharp　thing！　you’ve　got　quite　a　new　way　of　talking。　What　makes　you　so　venturesome　and　hardy？”

“Why；　I　shall　soon　be　away　from　you；　and　besides”—I　was　going　to　say　something　about　what　had　passed　between　me　and　Mrs。　Reed；　but　on　second　thoughts　I　considered　it　better　to　remain　silent　on　that　head。

“And　so　you’re　glad　to　leave　me？”

“Not　at　all；　Bessie；　indeed；　just　now　I’m　rather　sorry。”

“Just　now！　and　rather！　How　coolly　my　little　lady　says　it！　I　dare　say　now　if　I　were　to　ask　you　for　a　kiss　you　wouldn’t　give　it　me：　you’d　say　you’d　rather　not。”

“I’ll　kiss　you　and　wele：　bend　your　head　down。”　Bessie　stooped；　we　mutually　embraced；　and　I　followed　her　into　the　house　quite　forted。　That　afternoon　lapsed　in　peace　and　harmony；　and　in　the　evening　Bessie　told　me　some　of　her　most　enchaining　stories；　and　sang　me　some　of　her　sweetest　songs。　Even　for　me　life　had　its　gleams　of　sunshine。

Chapter　5