迪文小说

第27部分（第2页）

Accordingly　I　sat　and　said　nothing：　“If　he　expects　me　to　talk　for　the　mere　sake　of　talking　and　showing　off；　he　will　find　he　has　addressed　himself　to　the　wrong　person；”　I　thought。

“You　are　dumb；　Miss　Eyre。”

I　was　dumb　still。　He　bent　his　head　a　little　towards　me；　and　with　a　single　hasty　glance　seemed　to　dive　into　my　eyes。

“Stubborn？”　he　said；　“and　annoyed。　Ah！　it　is　consistent。　I　put　my　request　in　an　absurd；　almost　insolent　form。　Miss　Eyre；　I　beg　your　pardon。　The　fact　is；　once　for　all；　I　don’t　wish　to　treat　you　like　an　inferior：　that　is”　（correcting　himself）；　“I　claim　only　such　superiority　as　must　result　from　twenty　years’　difference　in　age　and　a　century’s　advance　in　experience。　This　is　legitimate；　et　j’y　tiens；　as　Adèle　would　say；　and　it　is　by　virtue　of　this　superiority；　and　this　alone；　that　I　desire　you　to　have　the　goodness　to　talk　to　me　a　little　now；　and　divert　my　thoughts；　which　are　galled　with　dwelling　on　one　point—cankering　as　a　rusty　nail。”

He　had　deigned　an　explanation；　almost　an　apology；　and　I　did　not　feel　insensible　to　his　condescension；　and　would　not　seem　so。

“I　am　willing　to　amuse　you；　if　I　can；　sir—quite　willing；　but　I　cannot　introduce　a　topic；　because　how　do　I　know　what　will　interest　you？　Ask　me　questions；　and　I　will　do　my　best　to　answer　them。”

“Then；　in　the　first　place；　do　you　agree　with　me　that　I　have　a　right　to　be　a　little　masterful；　abrupt；　perhaps　exacting；　sometimes；　on　the　grounds　I　stated；　namely；　that　I　am　old　enough　to　be　your　father；　and　that　I　have　battled　through　a　varied　experience　with　many　men　of　many　nations；　and　roamed　over　half　the　globe；　while　you　have　lived　quietly　with　one　set　of　people　in　one　house？”

“Do　as　you　please；　sir。”

“That　is　no　answer；　or　rather　it　is　a　very　irritating；　because　a　very　evasive　one。　Reply　clearly。”

“I　don’t　think；　sir；　you　have　a　right　to　mand　me；　merely　because　you　are　older　than　I；　or　because　you　have　seen　more　of　the　world　than　I　have；　your　claim　to　superiority　depends　on　the　use　you　have　made　of　your　time　and　experience。”

“Humph！　Promptly　spoken。　But　I　won’t　allow　that；　seeing　that　it　would　never　suit　my　case；　as　I　have　made　an　indifferent；　not　to　say　a　bad；　use　of　both　advantages。　Leaving　superiority　out　of　the　question；　then；　you　must　still　agree　to　receive　my　orders　now　and　then；　without　being　piqued　or　hurt　by　the　tone　of　mand。　Will　you？”

I　smiled：　I　thought　to　myself　Mr。　Rochester　IS　peculiar—he　seems　to　forget　that　he　pays　me　￡30　per　annum　for　receiving　his　orders。

“The　smile　is　very　well；”　said　he；　catching　instantly　the　passing　expression；　“but　speak　too。”

“I　was　thinking；　sir；　that　very　few　masters　would　trouble　themselves　to　inquire　whether　or　not　their　paid　subordinates　were　piqued　and　hurt　by　their　orders。”

“Paid　subordinates！　What！　you　are　my　paid　subordinate；　are　you？　Oh　yes；　I　had　forgotten　the　salary！　Well　then；　on　that　mercenary　ground；　will　you　agree　to　let　me　hector　a　little？”

“No；　sir；　not　on　that　ground；　but；　on　the　ground　that　you　did　forget　it；　and　that　you　care　whether　or　not　a　dependent　is　fortable　in　his　dependency；　I　agree　heartily。”

“And　will　you　consent　to　dispense　with　a　great　many　conventional　forms　and　phrases；　without　thinking　that　the　omission　arises　from　insolence？”

“I　am　sure；　sir；　I　should　never　mistake　informality　for　insolence：　one　I　rather　like；　the　other　nothing　free…born　would　submit　to；　even　for　a　salary。”

“Humbug！　Most　things　free…born　will　submit　to　anything　for　a　salary；　therefore；　keep　to　yourself；　and　don’t　venture　on　generalities　of　which　you　are　intensely　ignorant。　However；　I　mentally　shake　hands　with　you　for　your　answer；　despite　its　inaccuracy；　and　as　much　for　the　manner　in　which　it　was　said；　as　for　the　substance　of　the　speech；　the　manner　was　frank　and　sincere；　one　does　not　often　see　such　a　manner：　no；　on　the　contrary；　affectation；　or　coldness；　or　stupid；　coarse…minded　misapprehension　of　one’s　meaning　are　the　usual　rewards　of　candour。　Not　three　in　three　thousand　raw　school…girl…governesses　would　have　answered　me　as　you　have　just　done。　But　I　don’t　mean　to　flatter　you：　if　you　are　cast　in　a　different　mould　to　the　majority；　it　is　no　merit　of　yours：　Nature　did　it。　And　then；　after　all；　I　go　too　fast　in　my　conclusions：　for　what　I　yet　know；　you　may　be　no　better　than　the　rest；　you　may　have　intolerable　defects　to　counterbalance　your　few　good　points。”

“And　so　may　you；”　I　thought。　My　eye　met　his　as　the　idea　crossed　my　mind：　he　seemed　to　read　the　glance；　answering　as　if　its　import　had　been　spoken　as　well　as　imagined—

“Yes；　yes；　you　are　right；”　said　he；　“I　have　plenty　of　faults　of　my　own：　I　know　it；　and　I　don’t　wish　to　palliate　them；　I　assure　you。　God　wot　I　need　not　be　too　severe　about　others；　I　have　a　past　existence；　a　series　of　deeds；　a　colour　of　life　to　contemplate　within　my　own　breast；　which　might　well　call　my　sneers　and　censures　from　my　neighbours　to　myself。　I　started；　or　rather　（for　like　other　defaulters；　I　like　to　lay　half　the　blame　on　ill　fortune　and　adverse　circumstances）　was　thrust　on　to　a　wrong　tack　at　the　age　of　one…and…　twenty；　and　have　never　recovered　the　right　course　since：　but　I　might　have　been　very　different；　I　might　have　been　as　good　as　you—　wiser—almost　as　stainless。　I　envy　you　your　peace　of　mind；　your　clean　conscience；　your　unpolluted　memory。　Little　girl；　a　memory　without　blot　or　contamination　must　be　an　exquisite　treasure—an　inexhaustible　source　of　pure　refreshment：　is　it　not？”

“How　was　your　memory　when　you　were　eighteen；　sir？”

“All　right　then；　limpid；　salubrious：　no　gush　of　bilge　water　had　turned　it　to　fetid　puddle。　I　was　your　equal　at　eighteen—quite　your　equal。　Nature　meant　me　to　be；　on　the　whole；　a　good　man；　Miss　Eyre；　one　of　the　better　kind；　and　you　see　I　am　not　so。　You　would　say　you　don’t　see　it；　at　least　I　flatter　myself　I　read　as　much　in　your　eye　（beware；　by…the…bye；　what　you　express　with　that　organ；　I　am　quick　at　interpreting　its　lan