迪文小说

第70部分（第2页）

“That；　I　must　plainly　tell　you；　is　out　of　my　power　to　do；　being　absolutely　without　home　and　friends。”

The　three　looked　at　me；　but　not　distrustfully；　I　felt　there　was　no　suspicion　in　their　glances：　there　was　more　of　curiosity。　I　speak　particularly　of　the　young　ladies。　St。　John’s　eyes；　though　clear　enough　in　a　literal　sense；　in　a　figurative　one　were　difficult　to　fathom。　He　seemed　to　use　them　rather　as　instruments　to　search　other　people’s　thoughts；　than　as　agents　to　reveal　his　own：　the　which　bination　of　keenness　and　reserve　was　considerably　more　calculated　to　embarrass　than　to　encourage。

“Do　you　mean　to　say；”　he　asked；　“that　you　are　pletely　isolated　from　every　connection？”

“I　do。　Not　a　tie　links　me　to　any　living　thing：　not　a　claim　do　I　possess　to　admittance　under　any　roof　in　England。”

“A　most　singular　position　at　your　age！”

Here　I　saw　his　glance　directed　to　my　hands；　which　were　folded　on　the　table　before　me。　I　wondered　what　he　sought　there：　his　words　soon　explained　the　quest。

“You　have　never　been　married？　You　are　a　spinster？”

Diana　laughed。　“Why；　she　can’t　he　above　seventeen　or　eighteen　years　old；　St。　John；”　said　she。

“I　am　near　nieen：　but　I　am　not　married。　No。”

I　felt　a　burning　glow　mount　to　my　face；　for　bitter　and　agitating　recollections　were　awakened　by　the　allusion　to　marriage。　They　all　saw　the　embarrassment　and　the　emotion。　Diana　and　Mary　relieved　me　by　turning　their　eyes　elsewhere　than　to　my　crimsoned　visage；　but　the　colder　and　sterner　brother　continued　to　gaze；　till　the　trouble　he　had　excited　forced　out　tears　as　well　as　colour。

“Where　did　you　last　reside？”　he　now　asked。

“You　are　too　inquisitive；　St。　John；”　murmured　Mary　in　a　low　voice；　but　he　leaned　over　the　table　and　required　an　answer　by　a　second　firm　and　piercing　look。

“The　name　of　the　place　where；　and　of　the　person　with　whom　I　lived；　is　my　secret；”　I　replied　concisely。

“Which；　if　you　like；　you　have；　in　my　opinion；　a　right　to　keep；　both　from　St。　John　and　every　other　questioner；”　remarked　Diana。

“Yet　if　I　know　nothing　about　you　or　your　history；　I　cannot　help　you；”　he　said。　“And　you　need　help；　do　you　not？”

“I　need　it；　and　I　seek　it　so　far；　sir；　that　some　true　philanthropist　will　put　me　in　the　way　of　getting　work　which　I　can　do；　and　the　remuneration　for　which　will　keep　me；　if　but　in　the　barest　necessaries　of　life。”

“I　know　not　whether　I　am　a　true　philanthropist；　yet　I　am　willing　to　aid　you　to　the　utmost　of　my　power　in　a　purpose　so　honest。　First；　then；　tell　me　what　you　have　been　accustomed　to　do；　and　what　you　can　do。”

I　had　now　swallowed　my　tea。　I　was　mightily　refreshed　by　the　beverage；　as　much　so　as　a　giant　with　wine：　it　gave　new　tone　to　my　unstrung　nerves；　and　enabled　me　to　address　this　perating　young　judge　steadily。

“Mr。　Rivers；”　I　said；　turning　to　him；　and　looking　at　him；　as　he　looked　at　me；　openly　and　without　diffidence；　“you　and　your　sisters　have　done　me　a　great　service—the　greatest　man　can　do　his　fellow…　being；　you　have　rescued　me；　by　your　noble　hospitality；　from　death。　This　benefit　conferred　gives　you　an　unlimited　claim　on　my　gratitude；　and　a　claim；　to　a　certain　extent；　on　my　confidence。　I　will　tell　you　as　much　of　the　history　of　the　wanderer　you　have　harboured；　as　I　can　tell　without　promising　my　own　peace　of　mind—my　own　security；　moral　and　physical；　and　that　of　others。

“I　am　an　orphan；　the　daughter　of　a　clergyman。　My　parents　died　before　I　could　know　them。　I　was　brought　up　a　dependant；　educated　in　a　charitable　institution。　I　will　even　tell　you　the　name　of　the　establishment；　where　I　passed　six　years　as　a　pupil；　and　two　as　a　teacher—Lowood　Orphan　Asylum；—shire：　you　will　have　heard　of　it；　Mr。　Rivers？—the　Rev。　Robert　Brocklehurst　is　the　treasurer。”

“I　have　heard　of　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　and　I　have　seen　the　school。”

“I　left　Lowood　nearly　a　year　since　to　bee　a　private　governess。　I　obtained　a　good　situation；　and　was　happy。　This　place　I　was　obliged　to　leave　four　days　before　I　came　here。　The　reason　of　my　departure　I　cannot　and　ought　not　to　explain：　it　would　be　useless；　dangerous；　and　would　sound　incredible。　No　blame　attached　to　me：　I　am　as　free　from　culpability　as　any　one　of　you　three。　Miserable　I　am；　and　must　be　for　a　time；　for　the　catastrophe　which　drove　me　from　a　house　I　had　found　a　paradise　was　of　a　strange　and　direful　nature。　I　observed　but　two　points　in　planning　my　departure—speed；　secrecy：　to　secure　these；　I　had　to　leave　behind　me　everything　I　possessed　except　a　small　parcel；　which；　in　my　hurry　and　trouble　of　mind；　I　forgot　to　take　out　of　the　coach　that　brought　me　to　Whitcross。　To　this　neighbourhood；　then；　I　came；　quite　destitute。　I　slept　two　nights　in　the　open　air；　and　wandered　about　two　days　without　crossing　a　threshold：　but　twice　in　that　space　of　time　did　I　taste　food；　and　it　was　when　brought　by　hunger；　exhaustion；　and　despair　almost　to　the　last　gasp；　that　you；　Mr。　Rivers；　forbade　me　to　perish　of　want　at　your　door；　and　took　me　under　the　shelter　of　your　roo