迪文小说

迪文小说>简爱英文版第二章 > 第66部分(第1页)

第66部分(第1页)

f a plover whistled; I imagined it a man。 Finding my apprehensions unfounded; however; and calmed by the deep silence that reigned as evening declined at nightfall; I took confidence。 As yet I had not thought; I had only listened; watched; dreaded; now I regained the faculty of reflection。

What was I to do? Where to go? Oh; intolerable questions; when I could do nothing and go nowhere!—when a long way must yet be measured by my weary; trembling limbs before I could reach human habitation—when cold charity must be entreated before I could get a lodging: reluctant sympathy importuned; almost certain repulse incurred; before my tale could be listened to; or one of my wants relieved!

I touched the heath; it was dry; and yet warm with the beat of the summer day。 I looked at the sky; it was pure: a kindly star twinkled just above the chasm ridge。 The dew fell; but with propitious softness; no breeze whispered。 Nature seemed to me benign and good; I thought she loved me; outcast as I was; and I; who from man could anticipate only mistrust; rejection; insult; clung to her with filial fondness。 To…night; at least; I would be her guest; as I was her child: my mother would lodge me without money and without price。 I had one morsel of bread yet: the remnant of a roll I had bought in a town we passed through at noon with a stray penny—my last coin。 I saw ripe bilberries gleaming here and there; like jet beads in the heath: I gathered a handful and ate them with the bread。 My hunger; sharp before; was; if not satisfied; appeased by this hermit’s meal。 I said my evening prayers at its conclusion; and then chose my couch。

Beside the crag the heath was very deep: when I lay down my feet were buried in it; rising high on each side; it left only a narrow space for the night…air to invade。 I folded my shawl double; and spread it over me for a coverlet; a low; mossy swell was my pillow。 Thus lodged; I was not; at least—at the mencement of the night; cold。

My rest might have been blissful enough; only a sad heart broke it。 It plained of its gaping wounds; its inward bleeding; its riven chords。 It trembled for Mr。 Rochester and his doom; it bemoaned him with bitter pity; it demanded him with ceaseless longing; and; impotent as a bird with both wings broken; it still quivered its shattered pinions in vain attempts to seek him。

Worn out with this torture of thought; I rose to my knees。 Night was e; and her plas were risen: a safe; still night: too serene for the panionship of fear。 We know that God is everywhere; but certainly we feel His presence most when His works are on the grandest scale spread before us; and it is in the unclouded night…sky; where His worlds wheel their silent course; that we read clearest His infinitude; His omnipotence; His omnipresence。 I had risen to my knees to pray for Mr。 Rochester。 Looking up; I; with tear…dimmed eyes; saw the mighty Milky…way。 Remembering what it was—what countless systems there swept space like a soft trace of light—I felt the might and strength of God。 Sure was I of His efficiency to save what He had made: convinced I grew that neither earth should perish; nor one of the souls it treasured。 I turned my prayer to thanksgiving: the Source of Life was also the Saviour of spirits。 Mr。 Rochester was safe; he was God’s; and by God would he be guarded。 I again nestled to the breast of the hill; and ere long in sleep forgot sorrow。

But next day; Want came to me pale and bare。 Long after the little birds had left their nests; long after bees had e in the sweet prime of day to gather the heath honey before the dew was dried— when the long morning shadows were curtailed; and the sun filled earth and sky—I got up; and I looked round me。

What a still; hot; perfect day! What a golden desert this spreading moor! Everywhere sunshine。 I wished I could live in it and on it。 I saw a lizard run over the crag; I saw a bee busy among the sweet bilberries。 I would fain at the moment have bee bee or lizard; that I might have found fitting nutriment; permanent shelter here。 But I was a human being; and had a human being’s wants: I must not linger where there was nothing to supply them。 I rose; I looked back at the bed I had left。 Hopeless of the future; I wished but this—that my Maker had that night thought good to require my soul of me while I slept; and that this weary frame; absolved by death from further conflict with fate; had noingle in peace with the soil of this wilderness。 Life; however; was yet in my possession; ents; and pains; and responsibilities。 The burden must be carried; the want provided for; the suffering endured; the responsibility fulfilled。 I set out。

Whitcross regained; I followed a road which led from the sun; now fervent and high。 By no other circumstance had I will to decide my choice。 I walked a long time; and when I thought I had nearly done enough; and might conscientiously yield to the fatigue that almost overpowered me—might relax this forced action; and; sitting down on a stone I saw near; submit resistlessly to the apathy that clogged heart and limb—I heard a bell chime—a church bell。

I turned in the direction of the sound; and there; amongst the romantic hills; whose changes and aspect I had ceased to note an hour ago; I saw a hamlet and a spire。 All the valley at my right hand was full of pasture…fields; and cornfields; and wood; and a glittering stream ran zig…zag through the varied shades of green; the mellowing grain; the sombre woodland; the clear and sunny lea。 Recalled by the rumbling of wheels to the road before me; I saw a heavily…laden waggon labouring up the hill; and not far beyond were two cows and their drover。 Human life and human labour were near。 I must struggle on: strive to live and bend to toil like the rest。

About two o’clock p。m。 I entered the village。 At the bottom of its one street there was a little shop with some cakes of bread in the window。 I coveted a cake of bread。 With that refreshment I could perhaps regain a degree of energy: without it; it would be difficult to proceed。 The wish to have some strength and some vigour returned to me as soon as I was amongst my fellow…beings。 I felt it would be degrading to faint with hunger on the causeway of a hamlet。 Had I nothing about me I could offer in exchange for one of these rolls? I considered。 I had a small silk handkerchief tied round my throat; I had my gloves。 I could hardly tell how men and women in extremities of destitution proceeded。 I did not know whether either of these articles would be accepted: probably they would not; but I must try。

I entered the shop: a woman was there。 Seeing a respectably… dressed person; a lady as she supposed; she came forward with civility。 How could she serve me? I was seized with shame: my tongue would not utter the request I had prepared。 I dared not offer her the half…worn gloves; the creased handkerchief: besides; I felt it would be absurd。 I only begged permission to sit down a moment; as I was tired。 Disappointed in the expectation of a customer; she coolly acceded to my request。 She pointed to a seat; I sank into it。 I felt sorely urged to weep; but conscious how unseasonable such a manifestation would be; I restrained it。 Soon I asked her “if there were any dressmaker or plain…workwoman in the village?”

“Yes; tany as there was employment for。”

I reflected。 I was driven to the point now。 I was brought face to face with Necessity。 I stood in the position of one without a resource; without a friend; without a coin。 I must do something。 What? I must apply somewhere。 Where?

“Did she know of any place in the neighbourhood where a servant was wanted?”

“Nay; she couldn’t say。”

“What was the chief trade in this place? What did most of the people do?”

“Some were farm labourers; a good deal worked at Mr。 Oliver’s needle…factory; and at the foundry。”

“Did Mr。 Oliver employ women?”

“Nay; it was men’s work。”

“And what do the women do?”

“I knawn’t;” was the answer。 “Some does one thing; and some another。 Poor folk mun get on as they can。”

She seemed to be tired of my questions: and; indeed; what claim had I to importune her? A neighbour or two came in; my chair was evidently wanted。 I took leave。

I passed up the street; looking as I went at all the houses to the right hand and to the left; but I could discover no pretext; nor see an inducement to enter any。 I rambled round the hamlet; going sometimes to a little distance and returning again; for an hour or more。 Much exhausted; and suffering greatly now for want of food; I turned aside into a lane and sat down under the hedge。 Ere many minutes had elapsed; I was again on my feet; however; and again searching something—a resource; or at least an informant。 A pretty little house stood at the top of the lane; with a garden before it; exquisitely neat and brilliantly blooming。 I stopped at it。 What business had I to approach the white door or touch the glittering knocker? In what way could it possibly be the interest of the inhabitants of that dwelling to serve me? Yet I drew near and knocked。 A mild…looking; cleanly…attired young woman opened the door。 In such a voice as might be expected from a hopeless heart and fainting frame—a voice wretchedly low and faltering—I asked if a servant was wanted here?

“No;” said she; “we do not keep a servant。”

“Can you tell me where I could get employment of any kind?” I continued。 “I am a stranger; without acquaintance in this place。 I want some work: no matter what。”

But it was not her business to think for me; or to seek a place for me: besides; in her eyes; how doubtful must have appeared my character; position; tale。 She shook her head; she “was sorry she could give me no information;” and the white door closed; quite gently and civilly: but it shut me out。 If she had held it open a little longer; I believe I should have begged a piece of bread; for I was now brought low。

I could not bear to return to the sordid village; where; besides; no prospect of aid was visible。 I should have longed rather to deviate to a wood I saw not far off; which appeared in its thick shade to offer inviting shelter; but I was so sick; so weak; so gnawed with nature’s cravings; instinct kept me roaming round abodes where there was a chance of food。 Solitude would be no solitude—rest no rest— while the vulture; hunger; thus sank beak and talons in my side。

I drew near houses; I left them; and came back again; and again I wandered away: always repelled by the consciousness of having no claim to ask—no right to expect interest in my isolated lot。 Meantime; the afternoon advanced; while I thus wandered about like a lost and starving dog。 In crossing a field; I saw the church spire before me: I hastened towards it。 Near the churchyard; and in the middle of a garden; stood a well…built though small house; which I had no doubt was the parsonage。 I remembered that strangers who arrive at a place where they have no friends; and who want employment; sometimes apply to the clergyman for introduction and aid。 It is the clergyman’s function to help—at least with advice— those who wished to help themselves。 I seemed to have something like a right to seek counsel here。 Renewing then my courage; and gathering my feeble remains of strength; I pushed on。 I reached the ho

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