"WHOWASTHATMAN?
"
Itwasincredible,absolutelyincredible,foramoment,thatitwasreallymynamethatwascouledwiththisdisgracefulsusicion。ThreelongyearshadassedovermyheadsinceIhadtastedale,beer,wineorliquororanykind。
[ItshowswhateffectthetimeswerehavingonmewhenIsaythatIsawmyself,confidentlydubbed
"Mr。DeliriumTremensTwain
"inthenextissueofthatjournalwithoutaang-notwithstandingIknewthatwithmonotonousfidelitytheaerwouldgooncallingmesototheveryend。]
Bythistimeanonymouslettersweregettingtobeanimortantartofmymailmatter。Thisformwascommon:
Howaboutthatoldwomanyoukikedofyourremiseswhichwasbeging?
POL。PRY。
Andthis:
ThereisthingswhichyouHavedonewhichisunbeknowenstoanybodybutme。Youbettertrotoutafewdots,toyourstruly,oryou&aos;llhearthroughtheaersfromHANDYANDY。
Thisisabouttheidea。Icouldcontinuethemtillthereaderwassurfeited,ifdesirable。
ShortlytherincialReublicanjournal
"convicted
"meofwholesalebribery,andtheleadingDemocraticaer
"nailed
"anaggravatedcaseofblackmailingtome。
[InthiswayIacquiredtwoadditionalnames:
"TwaintheFilthyCorrutionist
"and
"TwaintheLoathsomeEmbracer
"。]
Bythistimetherehadgrowntobesuchaclamorforan
"answer
"toallthedreadfulchargesthatwerelaidtomethattheeditorsandleadersofmyartysaiditwouldbeoliticalruinformetoremainsilentanylonger。Asiftomaketheiraealthemoreimerative,thefollowingaearedinoneoftheaerstheverynextday:
BEHOLDTHEMAN!-Theindeendentcandidatestillmaintainssilence。Becausehedarenotseak。Everyaccusationagainsthimhasbeenamlyroved,andtheyhavebeenindorsedandreindorsedbyhisowneloquentsilence,tillatthisdayhestandsforeverconvicted。Lookuonyourcandidate,Indeendents!LookuontheInfamousPerjurer!theMontanaThief!TheBody-Snatcher!ContemlateyourincarnateDeliriumTremens!YourFilthyCorrutionist!YourLoathsomeEmbracer!Gazeuonhim-onderhimwell-andthensayifyoucangiveyourhonestvotestoacreaturewhohasearnedthisdismalarrayoftitlesbyhishideouscrimes,anddaresnotoenhismouthindenialofanyoneofthem!
Therewasnoossiblewayofgettingoutofit,andso,indeehumiliation,Isetaboutrearingto
"answer
"amassofbaselesschargesandmeanandwickedfalsehoods。ButIneverfinishedthetask,fortheverynextmorningaaercameoutwithanewhorror,afreshmalignity,andseriouslychargedmewithburningalunaticasylumwithallitsinmates,becauseitobstructedtheviewfrommyhouse。Thisthrewmeintoasortofanic。Thencamethechargeofoisoningmyuncletogethisroerty,withanimerativedemandthatthegraveshouldbeoened。Thisdrovemetothevergeofdistraction。OntoofthisIwasaccusedofemloyingtoothlessandincometentoldrelativestorearethefoodforthefoundling&aos;shositalwhenIwarden。Iwaswavering-wavering。Andatlast,asadueandfittingclimaxtotheshamelessersecutionthatartyrancorhadinflicteduonme,ninelittletoddlingchildren,ofallshadesofcoloranddegreesofraggedness,weretaughttorushontothelatformataublicmeeting,andclasmearoundthelegsandcallmePA!
Igaveitu。Ihauleddownmycolorsandsurrendered。IwasnotequaltotherequirementsofaGubernatorialcamaigninthestateofNewYork,andsoIsentinmywithdrawalfromthecandidacy,andinbitternessofsiritsignedit:
"Trulyyours,onceadecentman,butnowMARKTWAIN,LP。,M。T。,B。S。,D。T。,F。C。,andL。E。
"