impassioned—affection ought to gladden us all。
I’ve seen every square inch of Istanbul; street by street and district by
district; I’ve known all hands from Jews to Abkhazians and from Arabs to
Mingerians。 I once left Istanbul in the purse of a preacher from Edirne who
was going to Manisa。 On the way; we happened to be attacked by thieves。 One
of them shouted; “Your money or your life!” Panicking; the miserable preacher
hid us in his asshole。 This spot; which he assumed was the safest; smelled
worse than the mouth of the garlic lover and was much less fortable。 But
the situation quickly grew worse when instead of “Your money or your life!”
the thieves began to shout “Your honor or your life!” Lining up; they took him
by turns。 I don’t dare describe the agony we suffered in that cramped hole。 It’s
for this reason that I dislike leaving Istanbul。
I’ve been well received in Istanbul。 Young girls kiss me as if I were the
husband of their dreams; they hide me beneath their pillows; between their
huge breasts; and in their underwear; they even fondle me in their sleep to
make certain I’m still there。 I’ve been stored next to the furnace in a public
bath; in a boot; at the bottom of a small bottle in a wonderful…smelling musk
seller’s shop and in the secret pocket sewn into a chef’s lentil sack。 I’ve
wandered through Istanbul in belts made of camel leather; jacket linings made
from checkered Egyptian cloth; in the thick fabric of shoe lining and in the
hidden corners of multicolored shalwars。 The master watchmaker Petro hid me
in a secret partment of a grandfather clock; and a Greek grocer stuck me
directly into a wheel of kashari cheese。 I hid together with jewelry; seals and
keys wrapped in pieces of thick cloth stowed away in chimneys; in stoves;
beneath windowsills; inside cushions stuffed with rough straw; in
117
underground chambers and in the hidden partments of chests。 I’ve known
fathers the dinner table to check whether I was
still where I was supposed to be; women who sucked on me like candy for no
reason; children who sniffed at me as they stuck me up their noses and old
people with one foot in the grave who couldn’t relax unless they removed me
from their sheepskin purses at least seven times a day。 There was a meticulous
Circassian woman who; after spending the whole day cleaning the house; took
us coins out of her purse and scrubbed us with a coarse brush。 I remember the
one…eyed money changer who constantly stacked us up into towers; the porter
who smelled of morning glories and who; along with his family; watched us as
if looking out over a stunning landscape; and the gilder; no longer among us—