dimwits; they came up with it all by themselves。
This brings me to my second plaint: I am not the source of all the evil
and sin in the world。 Many people sin out of their own blind ambition; lust;
lack of willpower; baseness; and most often; out of their own idiocy without
any instigation; deception or temptation on my part。 However absurd the
efforts of certain learned mystics to absolve me of any evil might be; so too is
the assumption that I am the source of all of it; which also contradicts the
Glorious Koran。 I’m not the one who tempts every fruit monger who craftily
foists rotten apples upon his customers; every child who tells a lie; every
fawning sycophant; every old man who has obscene daydreams or every boy
who jacks off。 Even the Almighty couldn’t find anything evil in passing wind
or jacking off。 Sure; I work very hard so you might mit grave sins。 But
some hojas claim that all of you who gape; sneeze or even fart are my dupes;
which tells me they haven’t understood me in the least。
Let them misunderstand you; so you can dupe them all the more easily; you
might suggest。 True。 But let me remind you; I have my pride; which is what
caused me to fall out with the Almighty in the first place。 Even though I can
assume every imaginable form; and though it’s been recorded in numerous
books tens of thousands of times that I’ve successfully tempted the pious;
especially in the lust…kindling guise of a beautiful woman; can the miniaturist
brethren before me tonight please explain why they persist in picturing me as
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a misshapen; horned; long…tailed and gruesome creature with a face covered
with protruding moles?
Like so; we arrive at the heart of the matter: figurative painting。 An Istanbul
street mob incited by a preacher whose name I won’t mention so he won’t
bother you later on; condemns the following as being contrary to the word of
God: the calling of the azan like a song; the gathering of men in dervish lodges;
sitting in each other’s laps; and chanting with abandon to the acpaniment
of musical instruments; and the drinking of coffee。 I’ve heard that some of the
miniaturists among us who fear this preacher and his mob claim that I’m the
one behind all this painting in the Frankish style。 For centuries; countless
accusations have been leveled at me; but none so far from the truth。
Let’s start from the beginning。 Everybody gets caught up in my provoking
Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit and forgets about how this whole matter
began。 No; it doesn’t begin with my hubris before the Almighty; either。 Before
anything else; there’s the matter of His presenting man to us and expecting us
to bow down to him; which met with my quite appropriate and decisive